Recently we had a debate in our English class about cohabitation, which in other words is known as live-in relationships. This assignment got me thinking why people have oposing views, and the only answer that came to mind is culture and nuture. Culture includes and influences our beliefs, our understanding, programming of our mind to an extent, our patterns of thinking, feeling and behaviour too. Culture is passed down generations. Nuture basically defines our environment and our up bringing. This is only one simple question amongst the millions that is greatly influenced by our culture.
For me personally, I do not think cohabitation or a live-in relationship is wrong in any aspect or manner, but yet it is not something that I want for myself or would agree to. Honestly i have no real concrete 'logical' reason for this. I think it's just the way I've been brought up and the culture imbibed in me.
However many people have very different views about live-in relationships. what is your view? how much do you think this view is affected by culture? do you think culture influences our thoughts and decisions?
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hi pooja
ReplyDeletea very very valid point in todays world! our culture doesnt permit us to enter this sort of a domain...very out of our league but at the same time , everybody wants to embrace the western culture in which this is something that goes without saying.
infact,people do live together to find out whether they are completely compatible or not....and even after doing that the number of divorce cases abroad are incompehendable...
how come our culture moulds our very nature in such a complete manner?
how come the generation today wants to break out of this mould?
......
harluu!
ReplyDeletei personally agree with the concept of live-in-relationships. earlier i probably would have not engaged in one myself but now i feel like i wouldn't ming being in one.
and this shift in my attitude has solely been affected by the cultural background i come from to the various cultures ive been exposed to over the years.
indians are basically conservative people who believe in arranged marriages and are dead against live in relationships. but now with the youth of india being exposed to a wide array of cultural diversities opinions are certainly changing. parents are begining to understand this concept.
personally i agree with the concept of live in relationships because i feel that compatibility in a marriage is very inportant. and to be able to gauge compatibility its necessary to have lived with each other before.
True this is something completely dependent on culture and the values you've been brought up with. At the same time I think it's a personal choice to a large extent. Individuals have different experiences during the course of their lives which may have an overwhelming impact and override cultural influences. Thus your culture may teach you something but your experiences may channel your beliefs and opinions in the opposite direction.
ReplyDeleteit definitely has to do with your culture and value system programmed into you by your parents and family - i would even go beyond the immediate upbringing given by your parents and say that this is something that has been programmed into us since generations - it is almost like an unthinkable proposition without even our parents having to spell it out to us -today we will find more people against it than fot it in India - however given another 5-10 years I can see that changing very fast - as we get used to coffee and fries we are very quickly changing and adapting ourselves to the western way of living - I guess years of our culture can be dumped in just a few years of exposure to this new way of living...the question is do you really need to live with someone to know how he or she is - whether he or she is compatible with you?
ReplyDeleteWe all try to copy the western culture to attract ppl around us...But live-in is not the correct medium...Ppl say that they will know each other well before they can actually get married to each other...Is this the way to check one's COMPATIBILITY...My answer would be a blunt NO...
ReplyDeleteOne more thing that comes to my mind is that liv-in relationship lands ppl sharing bed...Instead of coming closer mentally then become physically closer..At the end of the day one of the two losses interest and from there on starts the backward path where sooner or later they start to realise that the decision to stay together was one of the worst decisions they could have ever taken in their whole life...
There might be cases where live-in has worked...For that the bonding, the connection, the understanding between the two involved must have been exceptional...
Whatever it can be but I agree to the point that we are bound to our parents, our cultures and our values to such an extent that I personally for myself would not agree for it ...
sonal:
ReplyDeleteA live in relation!the very topic gets us thinking but why?or are we just not accustimed to the term,especially in india and other developing countries .but yes this has been happening since long years but just spoken abt well the glamour industry seems to be famous about this ,but other than them lots of other people also follow it without using the term.many villages & tribes also follow this concept so as to see their compatibility in all means and it has never been condemed also.
i personally feel before marriage all coulpes shud have time & be allowed to live to gether to decide abt their future.then if they feel they can continue their relation or simply part ways.
a live in relation i feel is far more supieror & simpler than a ny other
Marriage is a live-in relationship with social, religious and legal sanction.
ReplyDeleteThese sanctions make it difficult to break the relationship, due to social stigma, religious dogma or legal formalities. This in turn provides a mechanism for "cooling off" from "hot headed" moments when one may be tempted to break the relationship. This helps to provide more stability to the relationship, and this has a direct benefit on the emotional health of the children.
Thus, aim of marriage is to provide for better upbringing of children through a stable, long duration relationship.
However, with divorce becoming easier due to relaxation of both social and legal norms, the basic advantage of marriage is getting lost.
If it becomes as easy to break a marriage as it is to walk out of a relationship, there will be no difference between a marriage and a live-in relationship.
Hey cutie!
ReplyDeleteA very interesting blog! I personnally think that the culture you have been grown up with, plays the most important role in how you view the way of entering a live-in relationship and of course, why.
To me relationship is very important as this gives you shelter (in case you found a partner who loves and protects you) and someone to talk to whenever you have a problem or need help. Of course these points are also the case with arranged marriages or relationship. But I think that if you chose your partner on your own, elaborated and evaluated on him by yourself and if it was not done for you by others, you are more willing to open yourself.
Isa
Culture and how you are brought up definitely plays a big role.
ReplyDeleteLive-in relationship probably a good thing to do but it also depends on the people you are being with because pros and cons are always there.If both are really serious about being in relationship, then why not have something concrete where by no third person can interfere.
Of course with this, i agree with isabell that "evaluated on him/her by yourself" is very important as well before you can have something that will work out.
For me, living-in relationship and being in relationship is 2 different thing. i prefer to be in relationship to let my partner understand me well enough and then have something concrete to live in. rather then live in together and end up things not working out and also probably end up spoiling a person life. -- its a true fact, no denial!
But yea i do agree that couples do need time to understand each other, the way they behave, how they do things, how they talk, how they treat you and others, how tolerable are they and etc.
Anyway, probably i am alil out of topic.. :).. sorry pooja.. but yeah its how u come to think of it.
peoples views on live in relationships definitely has to do with culture. personally i am for live in relationships. but the decision or views for live in relationships i feel also have to do with age. i think a a person your views on certain things change with age. so as of now i am definitely for live in relationships. but peoples views are definitely influenced by their culture and surroundings.
ReplyDeletein simple and non-philosophical words i would never enter one!
ReplyDeleteif u want to live with someone marry them..that gives alot more security than just living together
i have always found the need to define ne relationship i am in,and this 'live-in relationship' makes absolutely no sense to em
why do i think this way?
pooja u got it right on,my culture is such and the enviorment i have been brought up in is such!
HI pooja,
ReplyDeleteWhat i am ? why do i have this birth? what kind of life i want to live? all these Qs make me to think on life i am living. The way i was brought up and nurctured by my perents. or my nurcturing of my child , both are beutiful expiriences.
Unconditional Love is a bonding not only with LIVING THINGS but also with NON LIVING THINGS.We learn only love and care from our culture and society. live life with emotions. also when I am Thiking my self , I am a part of some ones life , some one is part of my life. this thought gives wonderful pleasure.I olso feel secured in his presence.In live in relationship all these expiriences are missed. the people who don't want bonding lack of trust , confidence & ablity to mainten the relationship. They have fear of taking RESPONSBILITY.
Relationship have to be nurtued with the investment of qualitiy time.Relationship are like seeds. they have to be nurtured and developed. personally i don't belive in "live in relationship".
Well, I think that the cohabiting is a culture disagreement basically because religion maybe reiterate it?
ReplyDeletei am not too sure , however, i dont think that the asian culture would be okay with couples cohabiting because our perception of them would be altered in a bad way.and yes culture really plays a part in our perception for this issue.
I agree that culture and the way one is brought up has a major impact on the way one acts. Relationships are affected by both of these especially culture. Culture is something that may act as a boundary which limits people from doing certain things such as in some cultures a live in relationship would not be accepted.
ReplyDeleteCulture is an important aspect of one's life and the values learned are passed on from generation to generation.
According to me i would not have a live in relationship as there are several reasons for this. I would not find it suitable as the way i have been brought up would make it weird for me. Also culturally it would be wrong according to me.
i dont have anything against live in relationships SOCIALLY OR MORALLY.BUT LOGICALLY I AM AGAINST IY.HUMANS ARE BASICALLY NOT LONERS AND GROW AND PROSPER IN STABLE LONG RELATIONSHIPS.ALSO HUMANS ARE PRONE TO GOOD AND BAD MOODS AND HIGHS ANDLOWS.ACCORDING TO ME LIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS ARE CONSTANT PRESSURE ON ONE ANOTHER TO KEEP THE OTHER HAPPY AS IT IS VERY EASY TO WALK OUT.ON THE OTHER HAND A MARRAIGE COMMITMENT BESIDES BEING A LEGAL AND SOCIAL CONTRACT ALSO IS SOMETHING ONE BINDS ONESELF MENTALLY FOR A LONG TERM COMMITMENT. SO ONE CAN BE ONESELF WITHOUT PRESSURES AND ENJOY THE HIGHS WITH HIS LOVED ONE AND CAN FALL BACK RO HIM OR HER DURING THE LOWS.
ReplyDeletehi pooja, Live in relationship is a modern name for illicit relationship which Indian society does not accept. infact no country should accept this, as it is one of the poorest forms of relationship existing on this earth. You have sexual relationship with a person without any commitment and responsibility. If there is pregnancy, you have no qualms and go for abortions. This is actually a European/American concept where there is no stability of a sacrosanct institution called marriage. Those people want free sex beyond which they cannot see. The concept is absolutely unsuitable for a conservative society like India. Conversely, why have live in relationship? Why not marry? live in relationship is formed by people who are afraid of taking responsibilities of thier partners as husbands or wife or children. people who doesnt have emotional values, sence of security, involvment in religion and caring nature. people who are running after a false life which leads to a 'dead end'. actually the core problem of this mentality is the generation gap. A generation gap is a wide difference in cultural norms between members of a younger generation and their elders. This can be defined as occurring “when older and younger people do not understand each other because of their different experiences, opinions, habits and behavior with respect to such matters as musical tastes, fashion, sports, hobbies and politics.” As years are passing this gap is shortening, because of the daily changing and sprouting technology for the sources of knowledge, which is eventually multiplying the maturity and the thinking of today’s youth. Previously this gap was of 50 years (between a grandfather and his grandson), then it reduced to 25 years (between a father and his son), now this gap is between 6 to 8 years (between a boy and his elder brother).
ReplyDelete